Oh, hai, errybodeez!  It’s mee, Zee!  I’m feelin purty not-reel-upset-an-calm (Mom sez “Just say ‘rite’ — they’ll no’ “) just abowt now … Mebbe I shood tri to splayn abowt it.

Hooboy!  Wayr to start?  Hm … I gess I hav always ben kinda … well, Mom sez “ekSYTEabul”.  It aggrrrrvayts her, wich I DOAN wanna do.  Even tho sumtymz it’s kinda funny.

It’s just that I feel stuff … MOAR than errybodee elss duz.  Mom sez she otta unnerstan better, but I’m as hard fur her az errything elss iz fur mee, she sez.

I just feel lyke I hafta RUN! and BARK! a lot, but sumtymz that just mayks me moar and moar eksyted, and I can’t seem to calm down lyke Mom needz for me to, and then one day, A BAD Thing happend … Oh! arooooo arooooooooooooo I can’t say it...I want to run away and hyde … I would NEVEREVEREVER hurt my Mom!  Not if I was normal in my brayn, but … oh.  Oh.  [deep breff]

I doan no why, but brushing on me has started to make me feel not-happy eksyted, and I can’t be still anymore.  And I can’t help it — my mowf just gets there firss!  So Mom tawkt to the doktur and then she gayv me some pills.  I didn’t lyke it, but she gayv me yummy noms after, so it was ok.  Ohh, but then I started to feel rilly straynj — I cood not walk ryte, and I kep on goin to sleepz. 

Then laytr, Mom wanted to go put owt stuff for the big black berds to eat.  I don’t lyke thoz berds, but Mom duz.  I doan no why.  She even tawks to them.  pffft.

Also we always had a GAYM at the gayt!  I wood run back and forth along the fenss and YELL AS LOUD AS I COOD!!  Mom had to get throo the gate befoar I got back to it — she wuz rilly bad at it, an I mostly got back befoar she got all the way throo, so I wood “tag” her foot, so she wood no I wun! Ekssep this day, I … I got lost in my mynd.  Mom wasn’t Mom, she was The Game, and I was Big! And Strong!  And mebbe a little bit lyke I wuz a WOOLUF ... 

It felt so good, being big lyke a wooluf, bettr than playin it yoozyoolly duz, and I … I tagd her foot too big.  I pressed my teeth down on her foot, “HAH!  GOTCHA!!” and she yelled a lot wich helpd me not be so fuzzy in my brayn, and then — ohh, Big Dog In The Beyond, I smeld blud.  MOM’z BLUD, and I DID IT. 

I dint no what to do, and Mom woodnt let me neer her, so I stayd away and felt lyke I shood be rilly qwyet.

The next daye, we went in the car, and that nyte, Mom gave me a diffrunt pill, and lots of cookies.  I didn’t lyke it at firss, but I got it anyway. 

Mom is bettr at pills than the gayt!  Like, a lot!  And for a fyoo dayz she gave me a pill too tymz a day.  I didn’t feel so straynj with these pills, and it wuz gettn eezeeyr to stay calm when Mom helped me to be qwyet.

But then I didn’t want to eet most of my foodz, and Mom haz rilly gud foodz!  Mom wuz feeln bad abowt that, and had tawks with the doktur and then she took me back to the dokturs and lef me.  I hadda be there for many owers all aloan!  ‘Risa wuznot there or Mom.  It smelz scairy there and there are sum other dogz and catz hoo are alwayz crying and I didnot want to be there.  Finally Mom came to pick me up and tayk me HOAM!  That mayd me very glad — becawz I noo she still luvd me even after I played the Game too hard.

Sinss then I only get wun pill everyday, AND we haz a hoal new gaym at the gayt!  ‘Risa and me, we haz to sit all SHHHHH! at the gayt and we gets cookies for just sittin there!  But Mom now goze throo the gayt while we still can only sit qwyet, but I like it!  Mom isn’t upset and we get lotsa gud cookies! And when she does berd food stuff, sometimes now I on’y want to sit on the deck and wait — I doan even go at the gate when she comes back!  On’y ‘Risa still havs to do the sit, but I still get noms for just waitn on the deck!

Oh, also I feel bettr abowt eeting all mai gud foodz, so Mom is happyr abowt that, too!  And I almoss even lyke gettn mai pill evry morning — alMOSS! — becuz ‘Risa haz to stay OWT, and Mom luvs on me a lot and gives me many cookies for bein so GUD!!  Its only for MEE!  Then, becuz Mom is mostly nyce, she gives ‘Risa a little bit of cookie, just for leevn us aloan! 

I can do dis! I am a Very GUD BOY — Mom sez so every day.

Hey, Peeps!  Most of you are familiar with most of this story.  The Event (>gasp<) occurred while my daughter was visiting (mid-July), which was a happy bit of timing for me; when Zee bit my foot and I hollered, the dogs backed up enough for me to finish getting through the gate and shut it — but that left me needing to get back in, and I damned surely was not about to volunteer for that particular gauntlet in that particular moment (!), so it was helpful that she could get the dogs back into the house.  I actually went ahead and finished putting out stuff for the birds (after sobbing on my daughter’s shoulder), and was much calmer by the time I got into the house, and while I wanted Zee well away from me and my wounded foot (you’ll no doubt be familiar with that “zone of protection” that immediately envelopes any new boo-boo), I want you all to understand that I was already coming around to the truth of the matter, and that was that the wound on my foot was entirely, and I mean completely, my own fault.

That specific medication, acepromazine, was very wrong for Zee (and ask a whole lot of questions before just taking the vet’s word for it and administering it, please) in the first place.  In the second place, I actually do know better than to move an animal forward through excitement!  (Please don’t use “drive” and “excitement” as though the terms are interchangeable.  They aren’t).  I should NEVER have pushed ahead and tried to go through that gate — I knew he was drugged!  I gave it to him!

Likewise, I ought nevereverEVER have let that “game” at the gate go on.  As a responsible dog handler, I ought to have trained away from it from the moment the behavior was first exhibited.  Well, let it be written that I now have a permanent reminder about that ethic!!  yowza!!

As for the new drug, fluoxetine (Prozac) — here’s what I’m observing somewhere around a month in: he IS better able to cope with excitement and he IS relearning some better behaviors.  He all but volunteers for his pill, and is beautifully cooperative about getting something crammed down his throat — it nearly brings me to tears, to see him trying so hard to be my Good Boy.

However — he is absolutely head-over-heels in love with my handyman, which gets him horribly ramped up when the man arrives.  That level of excitement seems to be our biggest challenge/speed bump/obstacle.  The man is here, at most, one day a week — and he isn’t here every week.  That sporadic timing is really hampering the learning curve, and will be the single biggest factor influencing how long Zee is on the medication.  Right now, I’m “[very] cautiously optimistic” about a three month time frame, with the understanding that it could easily be six.  Or more.  (oy) It took two or three heated exchanges (done very politely on both sides),

but the docs now get that I have no intention of dosing my dog for the next twelve years.  Also that I get that this isn’t an overnight fix, nor can he be taken off this medication abruptly, so…. So that’s where we are now.  On a fairly even keel, with an eye toward a clean, bright future of balance and joy!

And as I’m typing, I’m seeing that it really is time for me to get the chilruns out to the woods, and then see if I can finish stacking my winter firewood.  There’s just enough that it could take me two more days, but it’s almost done!*

I reckon that’s it for this time, Peeps.  I hope anyone dealing with medications is dealing with the right ones for the right individual, and that they are working as needed.  If you don’t like your doctor[s], I wish you a fast and fruitful search finding new ones, because there are good ones out there — may the Blessings of Ceiling Cat be upon them!  

Y’all keep your brilliant selves safe and well, thank you.

*(update — I did it in two hours and now my shoulders haz a sad, the snowflakes.  snort!)

Note: plain truth’s internet is out, possibly until next Wednesday, so she won’t be here for the diary.